The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

There is a part of my brain which is begging me to call first thing in the morning to my surgeon's office and make them read the pathology report out loud to me if it is available.  That's a big "if" given that the intervening Thanksgiving holiday has slowed down everyone including the lab, I'm sure.  And that the folks at the office have better things to do than assuage a stressed out patient over the phone.

Especially when she has her appointment with the doctor to go over said lab report and surgery notes on Tuesday anyway.

Color me impatient for all the answers.

You know what, though?  It's a sort of lesson in zen.  You cannot make the world move to your timetable every single time you wish that it were so.  You can choose to chafe at that, or instead use it as an opportunity to learn patience and find some better thing to do with your time than fretting.

I'm choosing the latter.

Some things I'll be doing this week instead of sitting around and stewing over the three short days left to get my news, in no particular order:

-- Being grateful for my loving family who have taken such good care of me the last few days.  My life is really, really wonderful, and stopping to soak that in fully gives me enormous comfort and joy.

-- Planting an indoor herb garden to get me through the winter months with fresh, antioxidant-rich herbs in the house.  I already have a thriving rosemary plant that will be coming indoors shortly before the frost claims it.  I have another pot that will get filled and planted this week with thyme, oregano, and a few other choice herbs -- not too many because I don't want to overcrowd, but at least some that we'll be able to pick from fresh through the snowy, winter months outside.  Won't that be lovely?

Teachers and Blogging

We live in a society where people voluntarily put themselves into a glass house and invite the stonethrowers over for a party.

It's all public blahbity blah all the time.  Between facebook, blogs, tweets, retweets, and the myriad of other public commentary purveyors?  Frankly, most of the time I fear we know far too much about each other far too quickly.  Real Housewives?  Enough said, right?

So where is the line when the blogger is also a teacher?  Should there be a line?  Who should draw it?  Where should it be drawn in terms of what is or is not appropriate for discussion?

These are questions I've been mulling the last couple of weeks as I've been working my way into being the librarian at The Peanut's school:  how is this going to impact my daily blogging?  Should I even be blogging?  And, even more of a question, can I continue to do so without stepping on the toes of the kids I'll be teaching (or their parents)?

Huzzah!

This morning, I broke through a plot point barrier in the novel I've been working on, and can finally move forward after being stalled for what seems like eons.

It's been driving me crazy, but I finally found a way around my plot hole while working on my Morning Pages this morning. It's a miracle.

Feel like dancing a jig, but I'll allow Jean Butler with The Cheiftans to do it in my stead in the above YouTube.  Enjoy the hornpipe and the dancing, I'll just be over here in the corner trying to write...

Me And Julia Cameron

Thought you all would get a kick out of this picture, taken with my new iPhone by another participant.  This is the last day, I'm looking a bit rumpled but very happy to be there.

These are two women who really needed more coffee due to daylight savings time.  Julia was very gracious about allowing me to snap a picture for the blog.  Thank you!

Artist's Way Seminar: After The Third Day

Back home again.  I had booked a hotel room in Pennsylvania to break the drive from Massachusetts into two smaller, more manageable bits, but I was too homesick for my family to wait.

And so I drove the whole way and am exhausted this morning...but I am blissfully home, much to the family and the doggie's contentedness.

Yesterday's final session with the Artist's Way seminar was really enlightening.

Julia Cameron has a really crafty way of drawing you out on things you haven't thought about in years, or haven't let yourself think about because they "aren't practical."  But that make great motivators or rewards for your artist when you allow yourself to dream a little.

Very fun stuff.

One of her exercises had us thinking about things as if we were looking at the larger-than-life Hollywood version of ourselves, where money and budget, accuracy to our actual life, and all the other practicalities that get int he way no longer exist.

So, thinking about your own life in those terms, what would the view from your favorite room in your house be?  What would you be wearing?  Where would you have traveled that you have never gone before?  What talents do you have?

And a very fun one:  who would you cast as yourself in your movie?

Artist's Way Seminar: After The Second Day

Let me tell you, digging through all the artistic blocks and censors you have built up through the years is hard, exhausting work.

It has been well worth it, absolutely.  But I crashed hard last night and slept so soundly the alarm was startling this morning.  This seminar has been incredibly energizing in so many ways for me, but my body needed down time in the worst way last night -- funny how when I need to process heavy information, my refuge has always been and still is a lot of sleep.

Woke up and did my seminar homework morning pages first thing. 

It's funny to think about them as homework, because I do them regularly these days and love them.  But it's been fun doing them here because I'm in such a creative frame of mind that I'm digging at some really useful stuff that has helped unlock so many things for me.  It's really been a wonderful tool for meditation and creativity while I've been here.

Meals yesterday were also wonderful.  Again.

Artist's Way Seminar: After The First Day

It's the morning after the first day of the Artist's Way seminar, and I'm exhausted, but having a lot of fun as well.

Yesterday, I started the day with a great breakfast of steel cut oats, fortified with a little yogurt, some walnuts and a little maple syrup and cinnamon.   Yum.  Let me say that again -- yummmmmmmm.  I also had a couple of boiled eggs and some stewed apple slices.

As I was enjoying the meal, I sat at the table thinking "Why don't I eat this way all the time at home?" 

There is no good answer for that, because I really could eat this way at home more often.

So I hereby vow to try and do so.  Because eating healthy food makes me feel so much better than eating crap.  ("Duh, Christy, how many times do you need to learn this lesson?" you ask me.  "As many times as it takes to learn it," I reply.)

Artist's Way Seminar: Prelude

My Artist's Way seminar starts today, but I've already been here for a whole day.

I arrived a day early to the Kripalu Center on purpose so that I could get my bearings in the new surroundings before plunging into the writing seminar.

Plus, I wanted to have time for a yoga class or two and some nutritional discussion, as well as go to a meditation class.

It turns out to have been a really good decision.

Here's a report about my doings from yesterday, from start to finish:

Artist's Way Seminar: Detour

Yesterday was a long, long drive from West Virginia to Massachusetts.  It has been a while since I've spent that much time in the car by myself.

And the horrible snow/sleet/ice conditions I hit in Maryland yesterday morning were not helpful on the front end.

But the good news? 

I woke up this morning in Northampton, MA -- home of my alma mater, Smith College, and all sorts of funky and fun things to do.   Think I might try to catch a little of the bulb show at the Lyman Conservatory while I'm in town.

I could use a little taste of spring, and to fill the well with some lovely flowers.

Today I'm going out to enjoy a little college nostalgia, pick up a new Smith sticker for my car window and a "Future Smithie" shirt for The Peanut, and just putter around and remember what it was like to feel full of promise and drive and endless possibilities.

Maybe it is just because I'm exhausted from all the driving yesterday -- 10+ hours in the car will do that to you, I suppose -- but I'm feeling like a shadow of my former, younger self these days.  I don't recognize the tired, frumpy mess in the mirror at the moment.

Do all women go through this at some point mid-life, or is it just me?

In any case, I'm out for a little carpe diem restoration this morning, and then it is a short drive over to Kripalu where I'll be doing the Artist's Way seminar. 

Creativity As A Spiritual Practice

The above clip is Julia Cameron talking about her theories on the intersection of creativity and spirituality.  For her, creative impulse comes from God -- or whatever spiritual entity or impulse you have within you if that gives you some sort of squicky feeling, so don't get squirmy about this just yet.

What she means is that this comes from our inner voice, our deepest selves, our soul motivation, and it is an expression of that which is best in us.

But it is what Julia says in this clip and in her Artist's Way books about needing to fortify and nurture this creative spirit that most applies to me at the moment, I think -- because it is something I've always taken for granted while I push myself until I'm flat out dry. In the above clip, Julia says this:

When someone who is officially on a spiritual path picks the toolkit up, it often works very well because they are already willing. You know, on a spiritual path, you go through dark nights of the soul. And I think my toolkit is very helpful for walking through difficult times: it refills the well that is being fished out of when you are trying to help so many people. One thing that I think is important is that it says "be a little bit selfish." And I think that is wonderful advice for people who are in the field because they run the jeopardy of being burned out from over-giving, so this creates a balance....

Monday Clear The Clutter Club Check-In

It's been quite a busy week here at Chez Smith, but we've managed to weather it with only a minimum of craziness.  And we actually kept our healthier momentum going despite all the running around, which was a nice change since we generally revert to whatever we can grab to eat when things get too busy.

Note to self:  only keeping healthier options at home limits the bad food grab possibilities.

As of this morning, I am down another pound, which brings my grand total thus far to 10 whole pounds.  Even with the Superbowl nachos and brownie from yesterday evening.  Yay!

Next step? Add in some exercise.

The clutter control continues here as well -- I'm hoping to have the entire downstairs by the end of the week.  Again...yay!

On the writing front?  I have some exciting news.  Or at least, it's exciting for me anyway.  I've registered for a retreat weekend in March, for a workshop led by Julia Cameron. I'm excited, and am hoping that this is the kick in the pants I need to get beyond this fear-filled block to completing my novel.  If nothing else, I'm feeling a lot more energized and excited and that's truly half the battle for me.

Monday Clear The Clutter Club Check-In

Time for another check-in for everyone on how things are going with resolutions, hopes, and possibilities.

It was a busy week last week at our house, but I managed to do fairly well with several of my resolutions, including:

-- We ate really well last week, and have a full week of Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet under our belt.  Eating more healthfully has its payoff: my mind is clearer, I am feeling less blah overall, and I've managed to somehow lose 7 pounds.  Woo hoo!  Once I can add some real exercise back into the mix (when my leg finishes healing) I'm going to really be on the right path.  This has been as much an exercise in re-learning self-discipline as anything else for me, I'd been letting far too much of my life slide.  Now to regain my footing, one step at a time, eh?

-- Some serious straightening of the living room and sunroom has begun, and our downstairs is already looking better for it.  One thing I've discovered is that this ginormous burn on my leg is taking more energy from me for healing than I suspected when I couldn't get up and move around much -- I tire much more easily, and I suspect it's a combination of the healing burn and the reaction that my lupus issues have had with it.  Either way, I refuse to give up altogether and am just doing work in spurts, with bouts of rest peppered here and there in between.  It's nice to feel like I'm making a little headway.

Clear The Clutter Club Check-In

It's Thursday -- time for a check-in for folks trying to clear their own clutter.

How is everyone doing on goal setting -- have you set things up so that you can measure progress?  Having trouble narrowing your goals down to a manageable list (a perennial problem of mine, I always try to tackle way more than I can sanely handle all at once)?

Have you taken any steps toward your goals this week?  Or do you feel like you are moving backward instead?

Share a little with everyone.  How are things going?

At our house, we've definitely gotten back on the right track in terms of diet, and Mr. ReddHedd is managing to exercise regularly as well.  (I am, alas, still as yet unable to do much beyond stretching because my ginormous burn is still healing.  But soon, I hope, I'll be back on the exercise wagon as well.)

Even without the exercise?  Just by eating healthy food in moderate portions, I've already lost about 6 pounds.  Woo hoo!

It's Time To Start Clearing The Clutter!

The little hitch in my resolution giddy-up from my leg burn has finally healed enough that I can confidently say this:  it's time to start clearing the clutter at our house.

Today, we start on Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.

For breakfast, we'll be having a veggie omelet, loaded with peppers, onions, and for Mr. ReddHedd some mushrooms (not for me, though), a little reduced-fat sharp cheddar, and a bit of salsa on top.  Plus a glass of V-8 juice and copious amounts of coffee, no doubt.  Lunch will be a chef's salad, with some cubed leftover chicken, diced ham, sliced boiled egg, chopped cucumber, tomato, celery, and lettuce topped with a homemade Dijon vinaigrette.  And dinner will be turkey burgers and oven-roasted green beans, cherry tomatoes, and onion. 

UPDATE:  Forgot to say that dessert tonight will be 1/2 cup each of part skim ricotta mixed with cocoa powder, a little vanilla, some natural peanut butter, and a couple of packets of Splenda, and topped with a Tbsp. sugar free whipped topping. 

Phase 1 is the most restrictive part of the diet -- it's designed to clear out the excess ick in your system so that your body can start with a clean slate to eat healthier foods.  It's a bit carbohydrate restricted, but unlike Atkins you have to watch saturated fats and only eat leaner meats and veggies -- it's not a bacon free-for-all, in other words.  We'll stick to this for a couple of weeks to clear out all the holiday sugar rush and then will broaden back out to include whole grains, fruits and other healthy carb choices.

And our hope is that this will not be a "diet" for us for a short period of time, but will instead become the way we eat as a lifestyle for the rest of our lives.

We need this.  The Peanut needs to see us do this and, more importantly, she needs to adopt healthier food choices and understand why it is important for her as well.

My plan?  We go from the first couple of weeks of Phase 1 on South Beach to a broader, liveable and far healthier lifestyle and diet.  I'll be pulling recipes and ideas from the following after this first couple of weeks:

-- The Eat-Clean Diet Cookbook: Great-Tasting Recipes That Keep You Lean

-- Eating For Life

-- The New Sonoma Diet: Trimmer Waist, More Energy in Just 10 Days

-- Mediterranean Light: Delicious Recipes from the World's Healthiest Cuisine

-- The Mediterranean Diabetes Cookbook (ADA)

-- The South Beach Diet Quick and Easy Cookbook: 200 Delicious Recipes Ready in 30 Minutes or Less

There are more, but you get the idea: healthy, whole foods, mostly veggies on the plate, leaner meats, and lots of fiber from beans and grains as well.  The way we ought to have been eating all along.

Hobbling To The Resolution Starting Line

It's time to put all those resolutions into action, gang.

Although I could not have timed my 2nd degree burn any more poorly, I refuse to allow my current state of mobility limitations to prevent me from moving forward on my plans.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball.  The trick for me is figuring out how to move past it without sabotaging my own plans for better health.

And so?  Today will mean that I clean out our fridge so that we can start off Monday with a fresh and healthy set of choices.

Sure, I'll be cleaning things out while sitting on a chair, and Mr. ReddHedd is going to have to help me -- and go shopping for me -- but we will make do.  Then I'll spend some time, still sitting on a kitchen stool, prepping snacks and some other food for tomorrow.

And hopefully, if I can keep moving forward today -- which isn't a given since I've been needing naps as my scalded leg heals -- I'll try to post what my menu plans are for the week.

You Say You Want A Resolution?

'Tis the season for resolutions at year's end. Which, if you are like me, have already been broken and stomped into the dust by mid-February.

This year, though?  I'm vowing to do things differently.  And as I said last week, I'd love it if you all joined in as well because I think there is definite strength in numbers on something like this.

I've been working on an actual, definable plan, with realistic goals that can be worked toward on a week by week basis instead of coming up with meaningless, blobby goals that only sound good in the abstract.  It's the difference between:

"lose some weight"

and

"lose at least 1 pound per week through exercise -- 5 days per week at a minimum -- and following a diet plan that is akin to South Beach diet's good carbs in moderation/healthy proteins/lots of veggies and Clean Eating and Eating For Life's healthier lifestyle choices at every meal, until I reach my goal weight of 140 pounds,"

which is to say there is a huge difference in planning, accountability and execution.  I'm including a requirement for blocking off time each week for meal planning, for going over what worked and what didn't, and for planning my workouts as well.

Because for me?  Having a roadmap to success makes the whole thing easier.  But forcing myself to be accountable for following it?  Makes a world of difference.

Just Pausing For A Moment To Say...

Just pausing for a moment of gratitude this morning.  Thank you so much for being readers here.

And, further, a huge thank you to everyone who has used the Amazon search link on the sidebar of this blog to purchase any items.  Or used any Amazon links in my posts to purchase any items.

Your purchases over the last few months have enabled me to pick up a couple of books for donation to The Peanut's school library, which were very much appreciated.  Additionally, you've helped to supply my taste in (particularly hard to find here in WV) British tea on at least one occasion which makes sitting and writing a lot more fun for me, and also helped me most recently purchase the The Indian Slow Cooker cookbook I'd been ogling for quite a while.

I promise a review of it will be forthcoming as soon as I've had time to read, cook and digest several of the recipes therein.

Also, I've recently had an offer to review an item of my choice from a company with a fairly diverse internet presence (they have several website from what I've been able to figure out) which makes furniture and other home items, including home bar furniture, rugs and all sorts of organizing goodies, and also cooking and homeware.

Am still trying to decide what, if anything, I'll review -- if there is an item you think looks intriguing, but you'd be reluctant to buy it without someone testing it first, let me know and I'll see what I can do.   My budget isn't huge, though, so keep that in mind.

Introspection At Year's End: An Invitation

It is unavoidable at our house.  At the close of every year, it seems we always end up taking stock of how things went, and how we can act to change things so that the upcoming year could go better.

And every year?

I seem to end up with the same set of regrets and wishes because my behavioral changes stretch forward only so far and then...whammo!...life gets in the way and I revert back to my comfort level or whatever is absolutely necessary to survive the illness/crazyness/loss/etc. and whatever progress had been made gets erased.

There is just something about the ending of a year and the beginning of a new one that makes introspection necessary, and yet painful, as you examine how things went as compared to how you actually wanted them to go.

How do I change my pattern so that this year I step out of that box entirely and into a new and better one of my own making?  Ahhhh, that's the million dollar question, isn't it?

Let's start with a profoundly true quote which is often attributed to Mark Twain (although I have yet to find it's original source, so take that attribution with a grain of salt until I do):

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

The fact that I got sidetracked from writing this article for about an hour trying to track down the sourcing on the Mark Twain quote is a good example of how things go with me these days.  Tangents instead of straight lines toward my goals -- my life in a nutshell.

Perspective

Sometimes, a shift in perspectives can be a useful tool in sorting out what is right in front of you the whole time.

Take my writing issues of late:  I've been expecting perfection to come spewing out of my fingers when I sit down to write, and perfection in the environment around me to get into writing mode.

Honestly, how often do I think that is ever going to happen?  Especially with a 7 year old and two needy dogs in the house?

And so, beginning today, my perspective is going to shift and the writing will be what gets squeezed out when it can be, where I can find the time, and whenever possible.  If I'm getting some done, that's better than nothing, and I can rely on a good edit as I go along to get it into the shape I want before it heads out the door.

It is never going to be perfect.  But it can still be good, right? 

It's A Mystery

I love a good mystery. Especially when the characters in it are drawn so well in the writing that they feel like friends from across town, even in exotic settings.

You get drawn in to a good mystery.  Sometimes pulled in as though the charaters were yanking you into the page if you are really lucky and the writing is wonderfully, carefully crafted.

That doesn't always happen, but sometimes you get lucky with a book.  Or with a particular character that just connects with you -- as Precious Ramotswe did with me from the very first time I laid eyes on her stories in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency.

It is always the characters that draw me back in time and time again.

That is why Alexander McCall Smith's Precious Ramotswe speaks to me: her life may take place far away from my own world here in West Virginia, but the problems she solves for her clients and herself? Problems we all try to solve for each other in our own lives, exotic locale or not.  And her courage in the face of fear, her sense of right and wrong when others might equivocate?  Priceless.

I love the HBO series No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency almost as much for the exotic locale footage as I do the funny scenes that the actors get to enjoy playing out for the cameras. (Anyone know if they'll be doing another season of this?  I know Anthony Minghella passed away, but will another director be taking the reins?)

But it all starts with good writing.

Every good mystery has, at its core, a story that strikes at the heart of who we are, what we want, and how far we will go to get it.  In short, it starts with a really good story and some all too human characters.

Just as it does with Sherlock Holmes.

Or with Agatha Raisin.

Or Miss Marple.

Or...well, why don't you tell me what your favorite mystery series are?  And why?

(Youtube above -- an intro to the HBO series of The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.)