Introspection At Year's End: An Invitation

It is unavoidable at our house.  At the close of every year, it seems we always end up taking stock of how things went, and how we can act to change things so that the upcoming year could go better.

And every year?

I seem to end up with the same set of regrets and wishes because my behavioral changes stretch forward only so far and then...whammo!...life gets in the way and I revert back to my comfort level or whatever is absolutely necessary to survive the illness/crazyness/loss/etc. and whatever progress had been made gets erased.

There is just something about the ending of a year and the beginning of a new one that makes introspection necessary, and yet painful, as you examine how things went as compared to how you actually wanted them to go.

How do I change my pattern so that this year I step out of that box entirely and into a new and better one of my own making?  Ahhhh, that's the million dollar question, isn't it?

Let's start with a profoundly true quote which is often attributed to Mark Twain (although I have yet to find it's original source, so take that attribution with a grain of salt until I do):

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

The fact that I got sidetracked from writing this article for about an hour trying to track down the sourcing on the Mark Twain quote is a good example of how things go with me these days.  Tangents instead of straight lines toward my goals -- my life in a nutshell.

"But sometimes you meet your destiny on a tangent instead of a straight line," you might say.  True.  But sometimes you also just get lost down a twisting path to nowhere important, too.

Lately, I've been feeling rather stagnant and unchallenged and, basically, just sort of drifting.  Which is no good for me, because that makes me broody and moody and not very fun.  And "when momma isn't happy, no one is happy," as Mr. ReddHedd says.   Drifting just isn't enough for me, I need to be working toward a goal on something that matters.

Lately, I have just been sort of on hold.  The house and the family get taken care of, the immediate tasks get done, the volunteering at school, the meals, the dog walking, the...well, you get the picture, that all gets done.

But the things that feed my soul personally?  That challenge me and force me to take a leap outside my comfort zone so that I'm growing and moving toward some goal I thought might be unreachable and, when I get there, I'm working toward yet another challenge?  Non-existent. 

And I need that day-to-day challenge on a personal level to be fulfilled.  As selfish as this may sound, doing things for others all the time just isn't fulfilling enough -- there has to be something that is my own, personal goal somewhere in the mix.  There has to be some challenge that is my own to meet and surpass, or else I feel somehow unfulfilled.

All this to say, I have come up with a plan.  Well, really, it is a plan to develop "A Plan" to move myself forward on the issues that matter most to me:  better health, happier family, and, most important, happier and more fulfilled purpose for me as an individual.

Here goes:

Step One:  Define actual, realistic, achievable goals that I not only can meet, but that I want to meet in my heart of hearts.  Toss fear out the window (she says to her inner writer-self) and, as Nike says, "just do it."  Or figure out a way to "just do it" anyway that breaks the process down, step by step, into achievable, real week by week goals.

And then keep track of my progress so that I am fully responsible to myself on what I am -- or am not -- doing.

This is not the time to come up with "goals I think other people have for me" or "goals based on outside expectations" but the honest-to-goodness things I, personally, in my little heart of hearts, want to really do for myself.  That's a tough one for me because generally I'm thinking about all the outside influences and expectations and not what I really want for myself.  Which never, ever works out in the end because I get resentful and rebel, and then spin my wheels and get nowhere.  Or, if it is my real wish, I get afraid I'll fail and...well, here I am in purgatory at year's end...again...and wondering where the time went and why I haven't gotten anywhere on the things I said were important at the start of the year.

I hate that feeling.  I mean it, I really hate it.  And just once I'd like to get to the end of the year and say, "Damn!!  I kicked serious ass this year on all my goals -- woo hoo!"

But I never, ever seem to say that, which is beyond frustrating.  Which is why there is more.


Step Two:  This is the important part:  figure out and establish actual, measurable goals instead of the usual, wishy-washy amorphous crapola goals.  For example, instead of "make healthier choices"?  I will instead come up with "lose 2 pounds per week until I reach my goal weight of ________ pounds and/or size _______." 

If I have measurable long-term goals, and week by week short-term goals that I can meet, won't that inevitably lead me to "make healthier choices" in this particular scenario?  And leave room for adjustment in behavior and diet and whatever else is necessary if the goal achievement breaks down along the way?

This seems more logical to me somehow, and especially easy to chart in terms of weight loss and health given that I can weigh myself and also chart how I'm feeling (more achy/less achy/test results/etc.).

But to really kick this plan up a notch or two?  I need to possibility of scrutiny from the outside, because if I'm being honest with myself, I really am most motivated when there is some expectation for me, some outside judgment on whether I'm exceeding expectations or falling flat on my face.  And thus?

Step Three:  I will post a weekly progress report on where I am, how I am doing, assessing strengths and weaknesses and future plans as I go forward.  And it will be brutally honest. 

At least, that's what I'm thinking at the moment for myself.  But it occurred to me that other people could be going through the same issues in their own lives be it losing weight or de-cluttering their home or getting a promotion at work or whatever.  If I've been struggling with this, then maybe others have as well, right?

So what if we take this leap together?  We all check in on a particular day every single week, we cheer each other on, we talk about what is and is not working, or maybe even how we can do something a little better...but we do it every single week.

I'm sort of fleshing this out as I write here, and it is going to require a lot more thought on my part before I'm solid on exactly what I want to do for my particular goals but...

What if we all come up with our own stuff, and then we post it before the end of the year and start out our New Year together, working toward our own individual goals but lifting each other up with support and encouragement and brutal honesty when it is needed.  Because I feel like I could really use that, especially at the start, and I suspect some of you could as well.

Here's the thing:  this past year has really sucked for me.  I mean it, 2010 really sucked.

Between some personal health issues, the day to day insanity of our family schedules and the stress that this creates day in and day out, the personal stagnation and then capping off the year with the loss of my sister-in-law at such a young age and the resulting family stress of how to best be there for her kids and my brother-in-law as we all sort of go forward together?  I'll be honest, it's been rough, brutal even at times, and we're exhausted from it.  And for me?  Stress and exhaustion are not good things because they exacerbate the health issues and it just becomes a nasty circle of ick.

I want to break that circle, find better ways to deal with all of this, and be more pro-active, more healthy, and more positive in the coming year.  I desperately need that to happen, frankly, because another year like this one is just not healthy for any of us.  Period.

Today, I'm going to spend a lot of the day glue sticking Campbell's soup label points to the turn-in sheets so that I can mail them out this week for The Peanut's school to get the year-end double point bonus.  It's a sort of mindless, repetitive task which is perfect for allowing your mind to churn and turn over goal-setting and such.  And so?  I'm going to spend the rest of the day thinking about all of this, and will post some more about it going forward.

But I wanted to throw this all out there, so that some of you could think about it, too.  And maybe, just maybe, we'll come up with something awesome.  Wouldn't that be a great way to end the year and start the new one?


(Photo via Nicolai Kjærgaard.)