The last few weeks have been insane at our house.
Between school performances and activities, then The Peanut getting sick, making peace with my slow recovery from surgery (or at least continuing to try, because it is not the easiest thing in the world for my annoying Type A personality, let me tell you, especially with a "to do" list calling out to me), and the myriad of family and friend obligations?
I feel like I'm about to lose my mind this year.
The holiday spirit is all but invisible with me at the moment. If it weren't for the fact that I managed to get the tree and several of our decorations up before my melanoma surgery last month, I think I'd still be struggling here. Thank goodness the tree has been up and lovely - it's a visual lifesaver this year.
And what I really want?
To hibernate away from all the hubbub and just soak in some seasonal joy with Mr. ReddHedd and The Peanut.
The truth is you can not have it all and do it all every single day. Anyone who tells you that you can has a really, really enormous staff that does a lot of "it all" for them. Or they are running on no sleep and get a high from being a martyr, which does not exactly sound like a pleasant way to spend your life, now does it?
Since I do not have a ginormous staff staging every holiday event and transporting and picking up and doing "it all" for me, I am exhausted and not enjoying it. And that has to stop.
Because I love Christmas and want to enjoy it this year with my family. I really, really want to enjoy it this year. Especially because we have had a long, hard slog the last few years of a lot of losses and one too many close calls with cancer. We know the value of every single day that we get together far, far too well at this point.
So as of today, I'm coming up with a way to strip our next few days down to the bare bones. My strategy comes down to this philosophy: More joy. Less stress.
There will be much more quiet watching of Christmas movies with easy to fix snacks, nibbles and meals (hello, crockpot!), more singing of Christmas carols, more crafty fun and time spent together, just the three of us. And, if I can help it at all, much, much less of the run here, go there, get this, respond immediately, run there, fight through the crowds, drive yourself crazy with everyone else's expectations and demands crapola that has been ruling my last few weeks.
I officially declare that the rest of my week will involve less craziness and annoyance and more fun.
Which will hopefully include much, much more holiday spirit from me. I've been far too much of a Grinch of late, feeling way too put upon and taken for granted when it was really me that was putting the pressure on myself for holiday perfection and not weeding out all the extras that didn't really need doing.
When momma isn't happy, no one around her is happy, either. And that's just not fair for anyone, is it? Especially not when I'm doing this to myself by expecting perfection at every turn when I'm not really up to pulling out all the holiday stops this year. That's just setting myself up for failure at the outset, isn't it? Well, no more.
I'm going to try to consciously live in the moment for the next few days instead of worrying about the next 20 things down the road on my "to do" list.
The list will still be there after Christmas. But having a snuggle in front of the fireplace in a cozy chair and singing Rudolph at the top of our lungs? That only comes around this time of year, after all.
If I could have one resolution for next year? It would be this: learn to say "no" when you really want and need to do so. The rest of the world will have to get over my need to stop spreading myself so thin -- and my family will benefit tremendously from my renewed sense of spirit and (she types hopefully) a newly minted feeling of much less exhaustion.
If we could add in healthier food and some exercise, then it would be perfect.
So as I sit here in this moment, feeling rather introspective at year's end as I usually do, I vow to make better choices in the coming year -- for myself and for my family. Every single time a choice comes up.
I'll begin by asking myself: Will this move us forward in the right direction? Is this a healthy choice or could I make a better one? Will the results of this choice be good for me and my family? Will this make me happy immediately or lead to more happiness in the long run?
Better choices going forward. More joy and enjoyment of life, especially of the little, everyday moments that we too often gloss over in our rush to the next "big" event. It really is the little moments: laughter over a horrible knock knock joke, hugs and smooches at bedtime, a little tea party in a tiara and feather boa with all the best of the stuffed animals, holding hands on a cold day while watching snowflakes fall from the sky and catching them on your tongue. Those little moments of love that you get every single day are the ones I find myself savoring on gray days, so why not celebrate them as they happen instead of tucking them away for later.
Celebrating all the love and joy in your life right now as it happens. Who could ask for more in the coming year?
I have so many wonderful things in my life: an amazing daughter who never ceases to astonish me with her insightful and sharp little mind, a loving husband who is as supportive as I could ever want a partner to be, and my health, which wasn't a certainty just a few months ago. I am beyond grateful.
I want to spend the coming year caring for all three of us and nurturing our little family as much as possible. Because, honestly? What is more important than nurturing contentment and joy in your own home -- and for your own self?
What's your goal going forward? What steps are you going to take to achieve it? That last question always trips me up, because I want the whole magilla now instead of looking at how to get there in achievable increments far too often -- I need to work on that and on patience.
How are you maintaining your sanity at the moment? Do tell...
(Photo via thaths. This totally cracked me up, and I really needed a giggle this morning. Hope it cracks you up as well!)
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