Girding

There comes a point, I am told, in every lengthy slog through cancer treatment where the patient -- that's me -- gets heartily tired of the constant, daily slog.

There and back again today.

Girding myself up for another round of radiation, which is so much better than chemo that whining about it is ridiculous.  But I desperately want to be done with all of this.  The day to day nature of this aspect of treatment is beginning to grind me down.  Having to face this every day ends up being incredibly emotionally draining no matter how often you try to look on the bright side.

Going for treatment every single day is a constant reminder of "you have cancer."  Seeing folks who have it worse than I do only hammers that message home, and reminds me that could me my fate if this comes back again.  It is a constant struggle to maintain a cheery outlook, all the while being ground down finer and finer like so many tiny grains of sand being pummeled along the edge of the shore by the pounding, pounding, pounding of the giant waves that keep rolling in, until there is very little left of substance.

At least it feels that way this week.

But it could just be my lack of sleep talking.  Stress dreams have taken over my resting life, and it isn't exactly restful any longer just when I need it the most.

Wah.  Wah.

And so it goes.  The end of September cannot come soon enough as of today.

It may just be that the oncoming insane rush of the Italian Heritage Festival, in which The Peanut will be singing with the Florence Chico Cann Children's Chorus, and other assorted activities we have to attend between now and the end of our not at all relaxing Labor Day Weekend may be grinding me down a bit fine.  Whatever the reason, I am not in a happy place today.

Someone pass me some chocolate.  Stat.
PS -- Feeling a bit better having gotten through the radiation treatment for the day.  Amazing how just the tiniest rant at the right time can make such a world of difference when you are in a grumpy mood...

(Photo of girders via Rob Brewer.)