Love it.
But the crazed lunacy that is shopping and giving and feeling like you have to find the present that is absolute perfection in the quantity guaranteed to please even the pickiest member of your family? Ugh. Hate it.
After reading this post on BlogHer, I see that I am far from the only person that feels that way. Which is comforting in some way -- misery does love company -- but saddening on so many other levels. Shouldn't we be enjoying the Christmas spirit instead of miserably dragging our rear ends through the mall or getting pepper sprayed while participating in a shopping scrum?
I hate the commercial pressures this time of year. And I really hate that everyone else's expectations have gotten so crazy and that it has begun to rub off on me, too.
Especially the pressure that it puts on me to out-perform last year's gift giving, to make everyone happy, to pull out all the stops...it just brings out the absolute worst in my people pleasing lunacy every single year. I hate that about myself, especially because that really ruins the holidays for me.
When you add in the endless running around that your over-scheduled mess of a calendar forces on you this time of year? Or if you have to balance all the sides of divorce in your family on top of everything else, and then feeling like you are being tugged in twenty directions at once and timed by a stopwatch down to the last comparative second of your visits? Or your present valuations don't align precisely?
Aiiiiyeeeeeee! It is enough to make a jolly old elf toss his cookies, isn't it?
Last year, though? I stumbled onto a formula that works really, really well for me and allows me to ratchet back the crazy while pushing forward the true heartfelt joy of the season.
1) Work gratitude into your day, every single day, from now until Christmas. I have been keeping a gratitude journal off and on for years, after having read Simple Abundance a while back. I find that I am more conscious of the blessings in my life when I am keeping it than when I let it lapse. Especially during the holidays, when you are overly tired and stressed and running your kids from choir practice to grandma's can't miss afternoon dinner-palooza and back again to play practice and then out to the overcrowded mall and...well, you see what I mean about needing a little moment to exhale and take in only the best for a few precious moments. Then I re-read some of my journal entries on the days when I am most stressed out or irritated, sitting back with a cup of tea and relaxing while thinking about how good my life really is. It can really take the edge off, even from a stressful family gathering, when you put gratitude and joy on the front burner of your brain before you go.
2) Share your gratitude with the people you love, and give them a chance to share theirs with you, too. At Thanksgiving, we did a "gratitude jar" on our table -- just a little jar that my daughter decorated that was filled with some blank cards for all of us to write down things for which we were grateful in the two weeks prior to Thanksgiving. After our delicious meal, we sat around pulling out one card after another and reading them out loud to each other, savoring all the wonderful things about our life together in our family. It was wonderful, my daughter's cards were precious, and we all ended the meal on such a positive note. You could do that for Christmas just as easily with a bowl, some index cards and a pen -- and it helps to bring the focus back to the things that are truly important in all of our lives. I actually had the kids at my school library make them this year, and I've gotten wonderful feedback from all the families who did this. It's amazing how sharing some love and gratitude really makes you appreciate what you have right now.
3) Buy from local small business owners and/or find gifts that give back. One of the things I love to do is to find small businesses or artisans and buy from them whenever possible for holidays or birthdays. Supporting people who live in your neighborhood is good for your whole community, and it makes me happy knowing that I'm not just finding a nice present but I'm also doing something nice for people who live in my own neighborhood, too. Another awesome option is to find presents that also allow you to give back -- by funding a charitable jobs program or education fund or food program for kids in poverty. That's getting some serious bang for your holiday buck. One year when my husband was younger, his family bought groceries and presents for a family in their neighborhood who had a rough year -- they piled the bags on the front porch on Christmas Eve, then rang the doorbell and ran like crazy to hide behind the neighbor's hedge. They never told them who brought the presents, but the kids had a wonderful holiday that year. And my husband never forgot the joy that his parents got in giving, even though they had very little at the time as well. Our family fills local Salvation Army stockings for kids every single Christmas, and we have a blast trying to figure out how to cram as much wonderful stuff into each one as we can. Our daughter loves to help shop for these kids, and we hope we are teaching her that giving back to folks who need a hand is important. And honestly? We get so much more than it ever costs us to fill them -- it's a really wonderful feeling to give a child a little joy.
4) Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Admittedly, I stole that line from Ben Stein, with whom I rarely agree on politics but who is so spot on with that sentiment that it needed to be shared more widely. My husband uses that phrase from one of Ben Stein's long ago published tomes all the time when I get maniacally obsessed about making something perfect, and it is spot on as a reminder during this holiday season of frenzy. Sometimes, we all have this idea in our heads of how perfect things could be if we only hit every mark just right. I do, anyway, and I'll admit it right here -- I form this idea of how perfect something could be and then mourn the lack of perfection even as everyone around me is having a blast at the ever-so-slightly-imperfect soiree. For cocktail parties, everything has to be cooked, served and done to perfection. Ditto for family meals, where every dish has to be knock it out of the park fabulous. And buying presents? Don't even get me started. And if I miss my mark ever so slightly? It's all gone to hell in a handbasket and our holidays are certifiably ruined. We get so wrapped up in making everything perfect all day, alla time, that we forget to stop and just enjoy things the way they are. For the last couple of years, I have reminded myself that enjoyment is the goal, not perfection, and that my Type A, perfectionist, hyper-competitive self can take a back seat to the little girl inside who likes things to be shiny and pretty and super fun. Because honestly? The little girl inside has a lot more fun when she doesn't feel like she has to be "on" all the time, and even more fun when it isn't her responsibility to make everyone else around her have the perfect time, too.
So sit back, take a deep breath and then slowly exhale, and think about a gift of some quiet time with a warm cuppa tea and a snuggle with your wee ones or with someone you love. Bake some yummy cookies to share with an elderly neighbor who rarely gets a visit from her family. Randomly hold doors open for people today and wish them a merry Christmas with a smile -- see how much better you make your own day while making theirs as well, especially if they have their arms loaded down.
Find a way to spread some joy, even if it is just thinking about how much you love your family as you chop veggies for tonight's dinner. You'd be surprised how injecting a little loving thought into your day to day chores makes them seem less like chores sometimes. (Although nothing makes cleaning the toilet a loving enterprise, I don't care what anyone tells you.)
Above all, give yourself a break. Make this year about love -- for your family and friends, for your community, and above all for yourself. You'll be a lot happier if you do.
One way to make yourself really happy for the holidays? Winning $250. BlogHer is sponsoring a contest that could allow you to win a cool $250 Visa card just for sharing your own tips on how to make your holidays more happy and less stressed out!
PS -- Also, try these easy Christmas morning cinnamon rolls. You make them the night before, let the pan sit out for the frozen dough to thaw and rise, and let them bake on Christmas morning while you open presents. They are awesome, and your morning will be better because you don't have to stress over what you are having for breakfast. Add some fresh coffee and you are in business!
(Photo by Christy Hardin Smith of my favorite Pooh Bear ornament on our Christmas tree. How can you not be thankful for something so adorable?)
2 comments:
Number 4 makes me think of that Leonard Cohen song:
"Ring the bells that still can ring/
Forget your perfect offering/
There is a crack in everything/
That's how the light gets in."
Oh, Lindy, I love that. :)
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