Let The Preparations Begin

It's time to rearrange the sunroom so we can squeeze the ginormous Christmas tree in front of the windows.

Usually, we wait until after Thanksgiving for this.  But this year I have a wee bit of surgery to get past,  and I'm afraid it might put a bit of a crimp in my giddy-up.  I'm worried about having enough ooomph to get Thanksgiving dinner on the table, although I have plans and a willing husband who can't cook like a gourmet, but he can follow directions like a pro, so we'll be fine.

But I'm beginning the tree and decor preparations earlier to make sure we get the Christmas tree up and decorated for The Peanut.  Just in case.

If nothing else, it's a good excuse to drink some eggnog.

I find myself thinking "just in case" about way too many things lately.  I suppose that's a normal side effect of the melanoma diagnosis, but it is a little morbid on the day to day.

But it is also liberating.  What is it that I truly want to be doing, saying, feeling, right this minute and not really care a whit about what someone else thinks about it?  What do I really want to do in this one moment?

What if...?

What if "one of these days" could be just around the corner?  What would you be doing right now if that were the case?
There's a fantastic song that Tim McGraw does called Live Like You Were Dying.  I've been listening to it a lot lately and trying not to be maudlin or worried, but instead look at this as a moment to reshape everything for the better regardless of the end-point of diagnosis.  I refuse to knuckle under or to sit and just hold my breath, especially since there is a very good chance that we've caught this early and things will be fine.  So the question becomes"since this is your wake-up call, what is it you want to wake up to?  what do you really WANT to be doing, not what you think someone else wants you to do?"

The fact that I can't immediately answer that speaks to the work I'll be doing on myself going forward.  But living consciously is something I'm trying to do better...today.



(Photo by Christy Hardin Smith.)