Healthier Choices...With An Unexpected Side Of Melanoma

It has been a long morning here -- lots of errands, some blood work, and a host of tests that had to be done. 

I'm going in for some surgery next Friday.  It is amazing, and a little daunting, how much pre-op work has to be done to make sure everything is in order prior to anesthesia and all the surgical whatnot that follows.

Why the surgery?  I've been diagnosed with melanoma. 


The big "C."  Or, as my brain insists on screaming at me while I'm trying to drift off to sleep these days, "Oh my Gawd, you have cancer.  CANCER!!!!!!   Ahhhhhhhh!!!!" 

My brain is a little too melodramatic for its own good, but the bottom line with melanoma is this:  you have to catch it early, because if you don't and it has metastasized, then your odds of survival shrink dramatically.  And I do mean dramatically, as in very, very low odds.

Which is why, if you are fair skinned -- as I am -- you wear your sunscreen and big floppy sun hats outside, you keep an eye on your moles and skin, you stay out of the sunshine during the really big hours of 10:30 am to 2:30 pm if at all possible.  Because you cannot go back in time and reduce your exposure and all those sunburns you got as a kid when you didn't know any better.

I've been trying to do all of this for years.  But it seems that my childhood blistering sunburns at the beach when no one paid any attention to this sort of thing finally caught up with my fair skin.

I had a wonky looking mole on my back, which we have been keeping an eye on for a while.  Several years ago, my dermatologist examined it, did measurements and we have been keeping tabs on it ever since -- and until recently, there were no significant changes. 

Until recently is key here -- as in the last year or so, when that family roller coaster ride of one loss after another sped up rapidly and our world turned upside down. 

The bottom line is this:  I did everything I was supposed to do once we realized that it wasn't just a little weird but had, instead, started getting larger and changing color in the center:  I immediately went to my dermatologist, got it biopsied, caught it early...at least, we hope that I did.  But we won't know for certain until at least after this next surgery.  Or potentially the next one after that.

I'm really nervous about this.  Did I mention that?

People keep telling me that everything is going to be fine.  But my gut is saying something else entirely and I'm hoping that it is just nerves and not some inner compass pointing toward a very bad, but very, horribly right answer.

We haven't told our daughter what is going on beyond "momma has to have some surgery on her back where she had those stitches a couple of weeks ago."  I figure why terrify the eight year old unnecessarily, right?  When it is highly possible that this ends up having been caught early and we get clean edges this round of biopsy and, if the universe feels generous and God smiles upon me, no further spreading. 

Then the angels will cry out 'hallelujah" and we'll all breathe a sigh of much needed relief.

I hope.  I pray.

I want you to use this as a cautionary tale:  use sunscreen on you and your children, especially if they have fair skin.  Limit exposure to peak sunlight times.  Do not go to a tanning bed.  Keep an eye on anything that looks hinky or changes drastically on your skin -- because prevention is key and catching this early is your best chance of survival.

Here are some pics of what to look for, in case you don't have any idea.  Take a moment and glance at them -- they could save the life of someone you love.

The irony is that we have been working hard to eat healthier -- lots more fruits and veggies, a lot less processed crapola -- and get a bit of exercise, to basically improve all of our choices so that we live healthier, longer, happier lives.  And now this.

Although, who knows?  Without that, maybe things could have been far, far worse.  You just can't know, and eating more healthfully makes a huge difference in how I feel, so we'll keep that up regardless.  You just don't expect your better choices to come with a side of melanoma, now do you?

Hug your loved ones tight, and send a few good thoughts my way if you can.  I could use them today.

(Photo via sramses177.  Love the detail in this shot -- and the color -- just lovely!)