Monday, July 21, 2014


Today's goal is a tired and well-worn one:  getting some part of the house in better shape, doing a bit of laundry and some dishes, trying to accomplish a goal or two before the sun goes down while also wedging in a bit of time for some organization and other work...pretty much the same old, same old.

I am in a rut in the worst way.

The thing about being a grown-up is that certain tasks have to be done over and over again, which ends up making me feel like a hamster on one of those tinny wheels, squeaking away as I'm running toward the same starting line over and over again.  Dishes in, dishes out, dishes in again.  Laundry in, laundry out, laundry folded and away, laundry out, laundry in again.  You name it.

Have been trying to give myself a different perspective on all of this in order to make the constant a little more fresh, at least mentally if not in actuality, but the trick of the mind isn't exactly tricking me into enjoying it.  And so it goes.

What is a girl to do?

Find a new set of goals.  Reach a little higher and carve out some incentives that will work as better carrots hanging out there for completion goals and timelines. 

This week's goal?  A wholesale purging of the junk and clutter we haven't used in ages, a gathering up of things that can be donated or passed along to someone who might actually use them, and a clearing of the physical baffles in our living spaces.  Something tells me that clearing things out in a cluttery sort of way will lend itself to a clearing of the mental clutter as well.

One room at a time, one area at a time, a closet or a drawer or an entire room all at once, day by day.  All the while trying to reformulate my personal expectations for myself as I move forward.

One of the things I have been struggling with lately is how to live the day to day while dragging around this fear that the next shoe will drop at any moment.  Cancer treatment has a way of warping your mind entirely, so that any little hiccup in your day to day looms larger than it might otherwise.  How to get past that and just live fully and allow myself to think in the long-term is something I've been struggling with of late.

The fact that I am no longer content with baby steps is a sign, I think, that I'm ready to move things forward with a little more vigor.  At least I'll be interpreting it that way, anyway.

Carpe diem, right?

(Photo of some agave leaves juxtaposed against a backdrop of a hibiscus blossom by Christy Hardin Smith, taken at Hacienda del Sol in Tucson, AZ.)

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