Thursday, December 5, 2013

Shaking Off The Blah

This morning, our red-headed woodpeckers returned, feasting on the suet that I had put out during our last arctic blast cold snap, and flitting over to the big feeder to chirrup at me through the window as they gorged on peanut bits.  Now, if only our little downy woodpeckers will reappear, life will be back to its winter normal.

If this past week is any indication, it's going to be a birdie frenzy for most of the winter.  Good viewing for me, so yay!

Had a bit of an epiphany this week:  the back end of cancer treatment can be somewhat depressing.  You go from seeing a doctor every few minutes to seeing no one, and having to find a way to not think "cancer" every few minutes so you can go back to living your life, while secretly worrying that every twinge means that it has come back.   It's a bit of a high wire act on the front end, I must say.

For that reason, I am actively trying to find good ways to shake off the blah.

Have recently gotten a couple of books on zentangles.  Has anyone else tried these as a meditative practice?  I got:

-- One Zentangle A Day: A 6-Week Course in Creative Drawing for Relaxation, Inspiration, and Fun, and
--Joy of Zentangle: Drawing Your Way to Increased Creativity, Focus, and Well-Being

I also ordered a set of a bazillion square drink coasters, but they haven't come in as yet.  Am trying to find something that allows me to get out of my head a bit, and find that inner stillness that has been so elusive for months.  My mind tends to race these days, frantically going over the never-finished "to do" lists, worrying and fretting over tiny things that really are meaningless in the bigger picture, never really settling in on any one task but instead skittering over bits and pieces, scurrying from one worry to the next.

Have to find a way to slow that down, somehow, and get back to a place that is more centered.

Surviving cancer is one thing.  Learning to let that go and live -- really live -- without fear and fret and worry about it?  I have found, much to my dismay, that this will be a whole other struggle for me.  At some point in the hopefully not too far distant future, I will find a way to pick up the joy and just leave the rest of the baggage behind me.

If anyone has found a great way to shake off the blahs, please share.  Am hoping for a good suggestion or two that I can try...

(Photo via Zach Inglis.)

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