Saturday, November 16, 2013

Ahhhhh, Saturday...

Brilliant commercial concept with old Spock and new Spock.  If they had only added Sheldon Cooper in here from Big Bang Theory as the comic relief, I would have loved it even more.  Imagine him trying to drive to keep up with the other two...bwahahahahahaha.

We may never get caught back up again in this house.  Each morning, I wake up with this feeling of dread as I try to tackle my ever-increasing "to do" list and fail miserably at it.

Exhaustion is ever-present, and no matter how much we do, there always seems to be more, more, more that needs doing.

Someone who has been through a lengthy treatment phase, please tell me that it gets better, that you energy picks up and that you eventually find a way to balance yourself out and get back into a routine that works.  At the moment I feel utterly off-kilter and perpetually exhausted, as though there is no energy left in the universe that can seep in regardless of the amount of sleep I manage to get.

Thank goodness it is Saturday.  Sleeping in makes a difference, and I took full advantage of that this morning.

It does get better eventually, though, right?  Right??!!??

I am so grateful to have gotten this far, and to have a prognosis this good (at least as I sit here today, anyway), that it seems ridiculous to complain.  But there is a lot to do, including getting out the Christmas decorations and prepping for Thanksgiving dinner, and headway is not being made because I have to keep stopping to rest.

I feel a wholesale "mom makes everyone clean or else" day coming on, and it may not be able to be stopped.  And I hate that, I hate being that person.

But I'm beginning to hate being further and further behind in taking care of the house even more.

How do moms who have lots of kids, or who have a chronic illness so severe it limits their functionality, manage to keep it together anyway?  Why am I so horrible at this?  Or maybe I'm not, and am being to hard on myself instead.  How can you know, really?

Need a vacation from being me for a while.  Do they make those?


Carole said...

It gets better (!).

Christy Hardin Smith said...

Thanks, Carole. That helps. It feels like I am trudging forward on some giant hamster wheel, only to end up in the same place I started, exhausted but not really getting anywhere. I'm hoping that begins to ease back a little bit soon...

Anonymous said...

please hire someone to help you. there are great women out there who have skills and energy.

Carole said...


It does get better, but it takes a while. I finished radiation after chemo Aug. 1 (still getting Herceptin). The radiation knocked me out. I am a lot better now, but a nurse told me it can take a year after chemo to get back to par. I agree with "anonymous" that you should get help. You are always trying to do too much, right? And you do accomplish a lot. But even stressing about the fatigue etc. is draining. If necessary, think of it as helping the labor market for a while!

Christy Hardin Smith said...

You know, we had someone helping out when I first got diagnosed with breast cancer. They quit when I was halfway through chemo, and we haven't been able to find someone to replace them. Every time I get a lead on someone good, they are too busy to take another family on, which is understandable given that it can be tough to find good help. But I am hopeful that we will find it, somewhere, somehow...and soon, please, if we are very lucky.