Thursday, August 1, 2013

Moving Toward The End Of The Tunnel?

The chemo symptoms are easing back a bit, thank goodness, and I am finally beginning to feel a little more human.  Here's hoping that will continue to be true.

One of the things that I've been thinking about lately is how this whole ordeal will impact my definition of "normal" going forward.  And how it will shift my perceptions on what I want for myself as well.

A brush with something this serious -- twice in a three year span, actually, given the melanoma and then the breast cancer diagnoses back to back --  cannot help but change things in subtle ways that are less immediately apparent than the ginormous shifts that take place in dealing with the immediate nature of the threat.  Yes, there was surgery.  Twice.  Which required a lot of time for healing and changes in what I can and cannot do for a while.  Yes, there has been chemo and there is more treatment to come, which has also resulted in some huge changes for me while all of this has been ongoing.

But after the smoke clears, what then?  What will it mean over the long haul for me and for my family?

These are questions that I have no idea how to answer because I am still completely muddled in the fog of all of this that I barely know which end is up at this point. 

But they are certainly questions I'll be asking myself going forward, trying to make better decisions about health and happiness and everything in between...because if ever a person were going to learn a lesson in the finite nature of life and the need to live every day to the fullest, it really ought to be me.

Carpe diem:  shouldn't just be words we mouth, right?

The trick for me will be figuring out what to seize and why...

(Photo via Holger Wirth.)

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