Thursday, May 2, 2013

Ticking Away

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
-- Gandalf talking with Frodo in the The Fellowship of the Rings. (See the scene here on YouTube.)

Whatever comes next, living in some sort of limbo waiting for the next test result, huddling tight until the next shoe drops. is no way to move forward.  But that is exactly where I have been stuck for the last few weeks.

Trying to figure out how to break free from this is a challenge.  In a big way.  But for my sake, and the sake of my little family, I have to keep trying.  

We cannot continue living life in a little huddle because I need to protect myself from the next fiery hoop.

They are going to come, regardless of whether I do everything perfectly in terms of decision-making and nutrition and whatever else.  So I might as well exhale and take some risks and really live instead of waiting for more bad news down the road.

Instead of coming up with reasons to not do things, instead I should be asking "why not?"  It would be a helluva lot more fun, wouldn't it?

This is one of those mind-bending moments in my lifetime where I have to let go of the illusion of any semblance of control and accept that the only thing I CAN control here is my reaction to whatever may come down the line.  Everything else is truly out of my hands.

A line from that Time McGraw song, Live Like You Were Dying,keeps ringing through my head this morning:  "I fianlly took a good long hard look, at what I'd do if I could do it all again."

Feels like a good day for that today.  What would you do if you had to live like you were dying?  It's a good question, and a good way to start a bucket list.

But it isn't just enough to have that list of "someday" things to do.  It isn't enough just to have a bucket list.  At the ripe old age of 44, isn't it time I started living mine?

That goes for you, too...

(Photo via Robert.Molinarius.)

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