Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Finding Comfort And Joy

Yesterday, in a cold wind filled with snow that looked like angel's tears falling from the gray sky, we laid my grandmother to rest.

My grandfather, stooped and creaky at the age of 92, brought the entire service to muffled sobs when he stood -- with the assistance of my father and my aunt -- to lean in and kiss her lightly on the cheek before the family retreated for the closing of the casket.  They had been married over 70 years, and watching him have to say goodbye was wrenching despite his faith that they will be together again.

That sort of committed, faithful love doesn't come along every day.  And I am so grateful that I grew up with them as an example of how to live your marriage as a series of "us" choices as opposed to a barrage of "me" demands, every single day you are together.

Today, we are back to our own home, exhausted and very sad and just having trouble pushing forward in any meaningful way.  In my mama's honor, I'm going to try to find some comfort and joy in the every day little things -- making some comforting and hearty chili for dinner because today is bitterly cold; straightening around the living room so that all we see is tidy, loving spaces instead of the detritus and clutter that has piled up in our scramble to get out the door to the funeral; and so on.

We need some comfort and joy this week, and I'm going to try and muster the energy to make that happen for all three of us.  But especially for me, because this morning I am truly missing my grandmother.

I know that the grief will fade over time, and that the hollow pain will be replaced by all those wonderful memories I built up over the years.  I was so blessed to have two amazing grandmothers who taught me so much about selflessness and caring for your family with a fierceness and constancy that was truly inspirational.  And I am grateful for those lessons, because they serve me well every single day.

Today, though, I'm choosing to find some comfort and joy for myself and my family.  Life is too short not to care for the ones you love while you have the opportunity to do so.

(YouTube -- Anonymous 4.  Have been listening to them a lot recently.  Just wonderful stuff.)

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