Monday, January 23, 2012

Unearthing The Divine Within

January was to have been the start of turning over yet another new leaf for me.

Yes, I'm one of those people who makes resolutions only to see them get trampled underneath the day to day slog that is life at our house.  In my defense, though, this year dawned with a desperately needed vacation very soon after the start of the year -- a vacation which came at the tail end of several deaths in the family and a double cancer scare for me at year's end, so we really, really needed to give ourselves a big break.

What happened to all my resolutions, though?

Plowed under, I'm afraid.

But it isn't too late.  As of this morning, I am beginning anew, turning to a fresh page and beginning that journey once again to unearth the divine me within this tired husk that I've become.

I was catching up on my reading in Simple Abundance last night, and something that Sarah Ban Breathnach said really resonated:

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change."

I need to be that for myself.  To find that catalyst for changing my own self according to my own expectations, not what I think someone else wants from or for me, whether or not they've even said it.  My people pleasing instincts are not always the best caretakers for my inner self, and I need to stop listening to them and start trying to hear that stilled, inner voice that says "enough!" just a little more often.

Not to rely on someone else to motivate me, or to stake my worth on someone else's expectations for me as I far too often do.  And certainly I need to find a way to make necessary changes, to search for my own inner spark and to really work at changing things for the better without having to have an outside cheering section that validates my every step.  I need to learn to be my own cheering section, to understand that changing myself for the better just for me is a perfectly okay thing to do and, moreover, that I can want things just for me and that is more than okay -- it is not selfish but is actually a good thing for not just me but the people who love me.

I need to do this on my own for myself.  Because I need to excavate a bit to find out who that self really is -- and who she wants to be when she grows up.

I can't be the only woman out there who feels that way.  So give yourself that same gift:  dig around and find that thing that sparks your interest in being a better, more vibrant, happier version of you...and then find a way to make it happen.

I'm going to work on that a bit today in between all the things on my "to do" list.  I'll let you know how it goes...

(Photo by Christy Hardin Smith, taken on the Maharajah Jungle Trek, inside the aviary area along the path.  Thought this statue was just gorgeous, with the little bit of weeping fig growing up her torso, creating a bit of a dress effect.  Taken with my Canon EOS Rebel with EF-S 18-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS Standard Zoom Lens.)

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