This is going to take a little adjustment.
They only had a half-day of school yesterday, so it wasn't really a long stretch of anything aside from emptying the dishwasher, refilling it and then getting ready to head over for pick-up.
So, the question is, what do I do with my day today? So many things I want to do competing with things I need to do.
What will win out in the end?
As hard as it is to have my baby girl turning into a confident little lady? I have to admit, having some quiet space for my own work is awfully nice.
Too often, I feel like my mommy side is at war with my independent streak and my need for my own uninterrupted space. Every mom has to feel that way at some point, I suppose, but it's a tough balancing act for me.
So far today, my coffee cup has stayed full, and the bird feeders got filled as well. Am feeling the need to accomplish something, but I'll be damned if I know what that might be as yet. At some point along the line, I lost the ability to just sit and enjoy -- my mind is saying "do, do, DO" but without a proper job at the moment, it then asks "do what, exactly?!?"
Having defined myself so long by what I do instead of who I am at my core, I wonder.
And yet? I have a feeling that this first full day of silence will be productive even if I end up accomplishing absolutely nothing but soaking in all the silence and taking a peek at my real roots to find the direction in which to head next.
(Lovely composite via Shirin K. A. Winiger. Love the struggle for zen mixed with childhood impatience feel -- just lovely. And perectly fits my mood this morning.)
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