That was me last night, tossing and turning and trying to shut my brain off to no avail, thoughts racing through and no end in sight. As much as I tossed and turned, I didn't reach any good answers to any of my questions before a fitful sleep finally came.
I'm at that point where I need to make changes, need to push forward toward new goals, but my own doubts and fears are holding me back. And I'm frozen in far too many ways as a result.
How is it possible that at 41, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up? Is it just me, or do other people struggle with this, too?
So many choices, with a narrowing window of time to do them all as life ticks away my remaining years.
Carpe diem at warp speed.
Having already been a fairly successful trial attorney who helped send murderers and various other criminals to jail, and then a political analyst whose work ended up getting her invited on White House conference calls and discussions with members of the House and Senate? Where do I go from there, honestly?
Except I don't want to move backward. I want to find some way forward to the next step.
Today, I will find a way to push through to the next level. And mark off a few things on the "to do" list while I'm at it.
One foot in front of the other today.
(Evocative shot via lrargerich. Love it.)
2 comments:
i don't know whether this will comfort or disturb you, but I am more than 20 years your senior, and i still don't know what the hell i want to be in the unlikely event that i ever grow up.
your gift package includes exceptional thinking and writing. no mistake about that. and leading.
be gentle with yourself, christy. really. i hear the clock ticking, too. loudest in the middle of the freakin' night. learned long ago that when sleep will not come, must shift gears and rise. good time for a wee stroll through the peaceful house.
blah, blah, blah.
Well, as we all know, patience is one of my many virtues. (HA) Thanks, Barbara -- I'll certainly try to take the advice on being gentle with myself to heart. I forget to do that a lot.
And today, I'm afraid it shows. Oh well...tomorrow is another day...yadda yadda yadda...
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